Dear Diary,
I guess this is my beginning. Today is May 29, 2021, & I'm starting this because I want to write my daily life, thoughts/feelings, also because I'm kinda lazy to pull out my actual notebook and handwrite everything so I'm thinking maybe if I use an online one ill be more motivated to write lol. Man where do I even start...i guess I'm kind of in a mindset where I have a lot of thoughts and mixed emotions swirling in my head rn but I just don't know how to deal with them. mostly just worries about the future and my current life. it's like I'm sad for a moment but then i get over it and you're not sad anymore. it just comes and goes away. you know even though I'm still young and haven't had the chance to experience what makes life so "amazing", sometimes its just so easy to think about how nice it would be to end it all. can be at peace with myself and what not. ill probably be happy and not "sad" anymore tomorrow but i just want to document how my life goes on and see what happens over time. i feel like i don't have any goals and am at a standstill because i honestly don't know what I'm doing with my life. all i know is that i need to or well supposed to graduate high school, go to college, and get a job. society is so fucking overwhelming sometimes. or you know how some people live a nice quiet life in the countryside or in a cottage somewhere away from crowds of people? everywhere but here sounds nice. too bad life doesn't have a manual to guide us. i feel like that would be helpful because i hate this feeling of being lost. junior year is almost over and summer is here but all I'm gonna be doing is trying to study for sat because i didn't do super good when i took it early may so we re gonna try to get higher. for the sake of a better future ig. i feel like id apologize for ranting but i shouldn't because the whole reason i started this was so i can write out everything I'm feeling and try to communicate and validate my emotions better, so we're not gonna apologize for feeling emotions like a human. wow em such a motivational speaker you are rn.
oh i passed my driving test today (may 28)! so that was exciting i can't believe i forgot to mention that lmao.
I'm listening to "touch" by cigarettes after sex while typing this and I'm literally forming tears now wow lol. it really does make you feel something deep inside there huh. anyways, ill see you tomorrow my online diary :')