Dear Diary,

i got this part time job for insurance and even though i am at least 99% sure I am not good with people and know nothing about sales, I stick with it knowing that I am not gonna give it my all anyway. It's been a week and I had no sales. I wasn't really taking an hour to approach people at all.

My boss and I had a meeting just to get an idea of how to track my progress, what I was doing wrong, and other stuff. He told me it's normal to fail, and that I should see this as training for whatever I do in the future or whatever path I take.

This is crucial, as I told myself I was willing to do anything, willing to be making mistakes just to have an advantage to my career. He told me sales was one of the huge markets and I was sold. He was talking about the things I wanted to hear secretly, and I almost got welled up.

I have huge dreams, and there's no doubt in my mind that I will be willing to do anything just to be abundant (although x-rated jobs are out of the picture). I've encountered so much free internships and courses through the pandemic and I have applied on most of them even though they are all for different careers. I figured I wanted all bases covered and try everything, just to make sure of who I am and what I really wanted to do. But in all of the things that I applied for, I got into insurance. I told my boss I couldn't recruit any family members because none of them have the capacity to pay for insurance.

But the reality is only one of them knew that I was into this. I am not proud that I am in this sector, I knew for a long time that I am not for sales. I'm better in organizing papers or anything intrapersonal, however since I was willing to take risks I got into it, and while it is motivating, I am also currently taking up a course in Web Design, which was surprisingly not boring at all. I liked it, but I wouldn't have known that if I didn't try.

My family likes to keep themselves on a pedestal, most of us are prideful. I have always been in a specific type of crowd wherein being successful in your career is crucial to gain recognition. Insurance is something people take for granted.

While being poor does not give me the luxury and privilege to whine, I can't stop being self-conscious of the reality that is present before me. Why can't I accept it.

To anyone of the readers who are in sales. Have you ever felt embarrassed at what you do? What helped you improve your mindset?

Em's Dear Diary