May 09, 2021

Dear Diary,

Today i feel like i’m living in a dream, but not in a good way- not in a way where everything feels magical and unbelievable like i’m floating on cotton candy clouds.. but in a way that feels unreal, like my surroundings are a lie like i, myself am a lie my body doesn’t feel like it’s mine and it doesn’t feel real... my feet can feel the ground below me but walking on them feels so weird, my hands can touch my face but they also feel weird.

and although i’m sober i feel the need to be so intoxicated with alcohol to be surrounded with strangers who are just as intoxicated. 

right now it feel as though the alcohol can fill the void i feel in my chest but that would only be so temporary.