Dear Diary,
This is a point in life where i am seeing the world in a very different way.
He called me at 4 o clk in the morning, said to me I cannot breathe arihant, he called me in the night too yesterday. He said they have taken the ventilator and not giving him now.
He called me again at 6, saying i cannot wait any more arihant. I told him to have faith, ask nurses there, i told him i'll do something dont worry. I tried calling everyone, the helpdesk, the RMO, the hospital staff, no one responded.
He could not breathe, his fumbling voice is echoing in my head, he kept saying merekeo ventilator dedo. I asked him to talk to a nurse there, give him the phone, i'll talk to them. They did not talk, they told shyam, the doctor has to tell for the ventilator.
Where is the doctor ? There is none in the hospital. The RMO isn't picking up my call. The nurses didn't do anything. There was the ventilator, but they did not give him. They did not give him the NIV, the nonrebreather mask.
He trusted me. He trusted that i'll do something to save him. He always called me. He told his wife to call me to do something.
I tried everything, I even tweeted and tagged health minister, tagged KTR, i got no response. 6 o clk, he spoke to me for last time, said arihant i cant wait anymore, i cant breathe, i told him i'll do something, put your mask back on, he said it isnt helping at all. I told him to wait just a little more, i'll do something. Then we waited for someone to pick a call, someone to call me back, no one did.
Reception picked my call at 7, i told her about my friend having breathing problem, she told she'll tell to the floor people. I told her name of my friend shyam, she hesitated a little, i should have understood. She said she'll talk to floor people again.
I tried to call shyam again, he did not lift the call. I should have understood.
RMO switched off his phone at 7:15. I should have understood.
Afternoon 2 o clk, they called, your friend is no more, he died in morning, we were trying to reach you since morning. They lied.
Now, there are two ways to look at it. One is if i try to be unreasonable and believe in god, then i can say that god has different ways. And we cant blame anyone, not the virus, not the staff, not the doctors, not the government.
But if I try to reason, I know that he died, because of either a negligency or a desperate attempt to let him die. They removed the NIV yesterday night itself, knowing that he was not doing good, they had 100 ventilators available in the hospital, why did they not put it back. If I reason, I know that it's a bad thing, it's unfair, it's a wrong thing and those people are responsible for it. I too am partially, for not able to make a decision, he kept telling me, I'll die here, take me somewhere else. But I was undecisive, whether to take him out from there or not. I believed in the doctors there, they said, they'll treat the patients and take care of them. They lied and i believed. That was my mistake.
I don't know why i became a part of it, I did not feel sad, did not shed one tear when my nana died 15 days ago, i did not feel sad about ginni's father in law. I did not feel very sad about so many lives. I knew that death is just this biggest truth we all keep ignoring our whole life, but its there, everyone dies someday. But Shyam, his life is taken unreasonably, i feel it is wrong. And I am part of it, if i would have acted otherwise, if I had the courage to move him somewhere else, we could have saved him. He wasn't very old.
I dont know if god exists or not, if this is all just god's little games or not, but if god is there and if god decided to make me a part of it, it is to teach few things.
1. The World is not all good people. Its mean. For most part, humans isn't a good species, it's most mean. Most people only care about themselves. We dont see the devil inside us all because we are so habituated. But now, i cannot help but always see every human with a devil's mask.
2. Our whole life we dream, think of the future, who will i marry, where will I travel, what will i work on, how i will change the world, plans with our families, loved ones, it all becomes so MEANINGLESS in the face of death. I remember now the stories of shyam, what he told me about his life plans. What he believed in. Just in few moments all of that has become so meaningless, so Nothing.
3. Always act and take a chance. Chose a transparent side over a blind side no matter how promising the blind side looks. Deep down i felt that keeping him there, we'll loose him. We could have taken the risk and move him to the other hospital.
4. Nights are unpredictable, never trust a night on this planet.
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Now, he is gone and i feel a lot has changed. His face, his stories, his last words, they'll keep echoing in my head. I doubt if i can look at life the same way again. I lost a friend today.