I accomplished an article today. I need 3 more articles. I want to finish them in one go. Can't wait to get paid and do groceries and gorge myself with food.
Also thinking of relocating because I can't really cook here. Also thinking that I'll save money when I stay here.
I realized I have so many reservations about many things. And I think that I overrationalize to to defend those reservations.
I used to want. Now not so much. Depression? Maybe.
Some people say looking back at history gives lessons. When I look back I get reminded of what I used to look forward too. I don't know how I lost it. I probably sidetracked with too much hedonism.
It's saddening and motivating at the same time to compare yourself.
That line in Desiderata said you'll only get vain and bitter if you compare yourself. But then that's western philosophy for you. Not to mention Desiderata has heavy Christian influences.
In Asia, comparison isn't so bad. I just realized now that comparing yourself could be a good thing. You're a unit of society. You have a role to play. If you're too self-absorbed, you may be cast as a non-conformist.
And I just had an idea. I think I'll read some info about how individualism is necessary for a society's advancement, and how being a conformist helps maintain civilizations exist for longer.
I mean just look at the setup of monarchial systems. Pretty sure monarchs are selfish. But for some reason, their societies aren't advanced.
It may need a balance between the two. Probably why some countries "age." Damn I forgot that concept where everything is a natural system. That everything can be explained as if they're organisms.
Aight I'm sleeping. Can't do this shit anymore. I still have to write tomorrow.