Dear Diary,
Tonight I learned I have been seeking forgiveness in the wrong places. My heart is broken. People I felt loved me betrayed me. No one around me understands this pain. I am left with pieces of broken puzzles I didn’t know existed because I was seeking out their forgiveness instead of asking myself for forgiveness for allowing myself to go through that for so long. These people, they created a diabolical Stockholm situation around them. They made me the victim of it. Not just physically, mentally I was stuck with them. Until tonight. No one understands how long I have held onto these people and held onto the hope their hearts were pure. I grew up always believing in the good in people, but when you have a narcissistic master manipulator watching and dictating your every move, you become one of him. A true Alpha narcissist. My heart breaks for anyone like me who never will receive a real apology. We deserve forgiveness from ourselves and yet we hold onto the smallest belief that maybe, maybe those around at least had a guilt conscious. But unfortunately that’s not how victims of abuse are treated. My heart is heavy. My heart hurts. I am not broken, I am healing. But my heart breaks for the little girl who just wanted to go to school to be a psychologist.