February 22, 2021


Content warning: mention of rape, but it's only the first part of this entry. 

I need to rant a little about rape. Not really a rant, but whatever. 

It absolutely blows my mind how people can just talk about it so casually. How movies can have an entire plotline based around it and it's okay. 

But I guess it's easy to talk about it if you've never experienced. It's easy to talk about if it didn't happen to you and shatter your entire world. 

It's getting easier for me, but I cannot fathom how people talk about it like it's not a traumatic experience someone in the room has had. 

But I guess I used to be one of those people, too. I shamefully remember being in 6th grade and everyone, including me, would yell "rape" if someone barely touched them. It was "funny." 

It was okay back then. It couldn't and wouldn't actually happen to me or my friends.

But it did happen.

To me.

2 years ago.

And I haven't been the same since. 

People will just casually throw around the word rape and I'm instantly on edge, trying not to think about what happened to me.

To everyone else, it's just another word. To victims and survivors, to me, the action behind that word changed our lives. 

It'll never be just another word to me.

Anyway, how about a happier topic? 

Da and I celebrated Valentine's day a little late, on the 16th, since he was working the day of. 

We had a good time together and he gave me a really cute card with a handwritten note in it. He also gave me an Avatar The Last Airbender graphic novel. Who knows when I'll start reading it. 

Ever since then I've been distracted by Super Mario 3D World and Pokemon Sun and Moon anime. I played 3D World on the WiiU with my ex and wow I forgot how much fun it was. I love cat Mario! I wish I could keep the cat power-up for the entire game.

Pretty much that has been my entire week. Mario and Pokemon. 

I've definitely been trying to keep myself distracted from what's going on with my oldest sister, mother of J and CJ. She's honestly gone crazy. 

She's gone down a dark rabbit hole of conspiracy theories and Trump lies. She says something big is gonna happen March 1st and Biden won't be president anymore. 

We believe that she thinks it's the end of the world, like the Bible's Revelations. 

It's so bad that even her husband is considering getting her institutionalized, which says a lot.

She's obsessed with this stuff. 

I don't want to say anymore. I don't want to think about her problems. It's mentally exhausting and just gets me riled up. 

I'm not looking forward to seeing her again. I'll probably see her Saturday since that is J's birthday. He's going to be 6.