February 13, 2021

 

Dear Diary,

Today I took the big 5 personality test, and it's all good in other areas, but I need to increase my conscientiousness. 


I also have taken the MBTI test earlier, and I am an ENFP. I like my personality overall, I like the way I behave or perceive etc. What I don't like is I am not much conscientious. 


I had made daily plans, but I can't follow them. I know I am not lazy , when I get motivated, I can work hard too. So, my goal now is to increase my conscientiousness. It's 19% but it should 91%.


There are two ways, I have a daily plan but it's not much detailed. 2nd it's pretty hectic, one thing is that I can make small goals at first and increase with time daily. But I don't wanna go that way, 2nd is make elaborated plans for a day. 


It was a good decision not discussing my issues with AM to anyone. Today I told my brother about AM, and I felt proud telling about him. I wish, I don't make any stupid decisions and spoil things. Well, I have my insecurities, I guess, I overthink things. Good that I said whatever I felt, but now I feel, nothing matters. 

I guess, my biggest insecurity is I don't earn that well. It makes me feel inferior. I also am insecure about my height. So, height is still not that much of an insecurity. Only after I earn a lot of money I will feel I am good enough. Which I don't know when will happen. 

I am earning decently. But it's not good enough for me. 

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