Dear Diary,
Well, I did figure out a way to do my stuff, let's see if it works. Yesterday I was awake all night, couldn't sleep. I was not feeling sleepy. I watched YouTube all night. Mostly standup and Ted-ed riddles. To be honest, there are things I want to change about myself but somehow my will power is not strong enough to make any changes in my life.
Today I was thinking about A, whether he likes me or not. I think he is unsure about me still. Sometimes I feel if I am good enough for him or not. If it doesn't work out with him, I will have to go for arrange marriage in future. I am 26 now, I want to get married in the next 2 to 3 years. I don't know how things will unfold for me. I really don't want to find my life partner through matrimonial apps, I feel it's dehumanising. As if we are buying products by looking at the description and we are the products ourselves. Then, what if the guys I like don't like me back or vice versa. To be rejected because of height or salary or any other reasons. I don't want to go through that, and at the end, it's still risky. What if the guy has some major personality issues which I only get to know later? Hopefully I will end up with someone nice, with whom I will be happy and that's what matters, be it love or arranged marriage.
5:23pm: I blocked YouTube in my phone finally as I was watching YouTube again .