14 January 2021
I guess I'm writing for a second time tonight, but something came up and it's rough. I mean for me at least.
A month ago my mother in law sent me an application for a new job that was 100% secured for me as long as I filled it out and sent in my application to them...I debated it for a few days, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
No one knows that I haven't sent it in and I feel like a piece of week old crusty dog shit stuck on the bottom of some poor kids shoe. I mean I won't need a job when I'm done with this one, at least not for awhile. I'll be getting paid to go to school and for medical needs, but... I don't know how to tell them that I never got back to the job that wants to hire me.
When they asked my husband about he said he didn't know what the status was or if I'd heard from them at all. The most I could do in that moment was walk to the bathroom and shower where I inevitably had yet another break down. Then came out hating myself even more.
I'll have to tell them, it's pretty inevitable, but I know I'm going to feel like total shit about this for the next few weeks or even for the rest of the year.
2021 is not my year.