Dear Diary,
I keep having the same dream, but it makes me sad to say it's not one I often get to visit. I'm sure this may be a way of my subconscious keeping my heart safe while somehow still being able to feel....even in a dream. You don't seem to have a face, you don't seem to have a name...one I can remember at least. You have dark thick wavy hair, can the back of someone's head make anyone feel happy?. I thought I had an idea of who you could be, if I'm being honest I'm sure I was probably trying to convince myself it was someone else. Someone within reach yet unreachable explains why no one ever seems to fit the void. In the dream, I felt a sense of calm...a sense of peace. I was a bit confused as to why I was feeling this around a stranger. It became intriguing when I was told "you cannot dream of someone you haven't met". Where is this sense of familiarity coming from? Where is this sense of ease rooted? It feels as if I've been running, chasing this place I've stumbled upon in my dream. Would I give up the security of the sacred light within the dream to experience this in my waking life? Would that make me selfish to risk the chance of the real world to taint such a pure experience? I think I can understand the saying of leaving a rose in its environment. Can I continue roaming through life without being able to touch you, without being able to physically experience your company in this lifetime? Would it be selfish wanting to bask in the light of your soul? Not knowing when I'll see you is like walking through a desert, the thirst in my heart screaming out to you. It seems easier to capture my own shadow in the dark than to find my way to you. I can feel your warmth is getting closer as the days go by. Am I running away or towards you? Am I afraid I won't be the same person you come to meet in the dreams? Would I be able to stay longer than in our dreams? Am I only chasing something I know cannot manifest? Have I passed all the lessons I needed to before getting to you? Have you? Do you remember the promise we had before being separated the last time? Are you losing sleep trying to find me? Would we be able to recognize each other? Will it matter if I do not look the same as the last time we met? I think it's time for us to come as one again. I have woken up to your absence, and I cannot cope. My soul feels like a magnet is pulling me towards you. Will you wake up and remember our promise too? Will you find yourself being pulled towards me too? I sense both our bodies cannot keep living without each other being near. I can feel the pain you've endured, and I hope you were able to handle the years I spent trying to disappear. Everything seems to be coming back in pieces, and I'm looking for ways to speed it up. The sorrow in your eyes makes me want to turn back time and protect you from everything they did. I wasn't able to be by your side then, I wasn't able to hold you when you needed me the most. I promise you won't ever have to endure things alone anymore. I'll be there to hold your hand soon, you won't ever have to wake up without me by your side. I send this out and hope it reaches you, it's time to wake up. I've missed you.