Dear Diary, So today I've had a whirlwind of emotions on my mind. Alot of what if's?Why?where? Just in general about life. My career, love life, living status. Feels like a semi midlife crisis. With no one to turn to it's hard to reach out to anyone. Due to anxiety, judgment, uncertainties. I love my job of almost 15 years. Yes it's rare to find people to say that now days. But I honestly do. We have a bad rep. But I feel it's part of my duty to open people's minds to our business. Love life. Mmm where do I begin. I feel as if I'm in the same dead end relationship I was in with my kids father of 13 years. This one just shy of 5 years. Not any sign of romance. Or inkling of wanting marriage unless we're in a heated argument. Then it comes up. Or when one of us is about to pack our belongings and go. I feel like I'm stuck in this circle. I hate myself for being such a fool. I'm suppose to be stronger and set an example for my kids on what to look for in a relationship. I just pray to God they never get in the positions I've found myself in life. I pray that they understand the unconditional love I have for them. And how hard I work for them. Well that's enough rambling for tonight.