January 10, 2021


Dear Diary, I feel like an insensitive fool who just keeps screwing it up with everyone.

Yesterday Knight sent me a message saying that she just started Breath of the Wild. It was at 4 in the morning (pm? I always misremember) and I was already asleep. So today I texted her back and we talked about the game and how we named our horses and stuff. She said she doesn't like the controlls and I said that the game uses a lot of different buttons. That was my personal experience with the game, but now I feel like I did mansplaining or something. I mean of course it uses a lot of buttons, she knows that, why did I say that? It was just my personal experience with the game that I had a hard time rememberint everything. I didn't mean to say that this was the issue for her troubles. She probably has a problem in general with them.

And then she asked me if I did everything in the game. And I said no because the Korok seeds are just too many and tgere is no good reward and that Nintendo didn't intend players to find them all on the huge map. She suggested that there should be less of them but with a better reward. And since I just saw a video of them being compared to the blue coins in Mario Sunshine I linked that video and said that then they would be like the blue coins and nobody likes those. That was so mean of me. I just wanted to share the video but I didn't mean to say that hee idea was bad or anything. She didn't reply and it has been hours. I only realized later what I had done.

And then Belle texted me too and I screwed up with her too. She mentioned a book she is reading now called "It's always the other ones who are beautiful" (in German of course) And I asked if it was the lifetroubles of a woman. Then she accused me of sexism and I admit that my message can be read that way, that women only care about being beautiful. But I didn't intend it that way, I just assumed it was about a woman because it used the word beautiful (schön in German) which is seldom used for men. I didn't really think about the sexist interpretation of message and wouldn't have thought that Belle would take an issue with it, because usually she is the one who says I'm too politically correct when it comes to transgender people and such. And again I admit that assuming it was about a woman and calling being beautiful the lifeproblem of women isn't right, but I still think it was a logical assumption and it turned out the book is mostly about female characters. But now she is upset with me too...

I mean I don't even know if Knight is upset with me, but I assume she is. I try my best to be social, but I'm just so bad at it. No wonder nobody wants to be in a relationship with me. Maybe I should just stay by myself if I just keep hurting people.