Monday, 15th February 2016
Dearest Friend,
The news my family and I have been dreading has finally come. As usual, I happened to come by such news “accidentally”.
There have been talk all over Facebook about the court case, and each confronted view on either side weren’t shy in expressing their theories; some publicly announced that it couldn’t have happened, that He wasn’t capable of such monstrous acts, and others angrily replied that they remembered odd but not thought-of-signs from the past, a “disaster waiting to happen” – a view focusing on the neglectful parents, and finally that He shouldn’t be let out behind bars.
Despite all this gossip and hearsay, what really struck reality was when one of my relatives sent me a link online to a newspaper article, stating His prison sentence…!
The first attempt of reading the article wasn’t so easy; I more raced through each word, telling myself I’ll survive till the end.
When I finished, I felt there were so many gaps left out – so much of the article was lazy writing and bad journalism (in my opinion).
I understand it had to be careful in protecting my sister’s identity and almost anonymous by ethical rule, but my first impression of the article was that the writer was showing more “compassion” for the predator and putting the abuse of the victim down to a fault from the neglectful and dysfunctional family…
Am I wrong in judging that?
Of course I am; it’s a misinterpretation if anything, but what gave me perspective was acknowledging a pure fact and the bigger picture as far as I’m concerned…
I realize I was jumping to attack the writer (figuratively speaking!) because of my deep care of Cindy and protective role over her.
The article is certainly something I would never want my sisters to read or know about, because the truth is the media have very limited sources of knowledge to “interpret” what happened to us…
One thing I’ve learnt is that the media are clearly desensitized (even approaching the subject of incest abuse!) and the court system obviously corrupt!
How that court case was handled was very poor; letting him off bail when the court day was pending (he ended up going on the run!) and telling all the witnesses to go home on the day.
The prison sentence is somewhat a relief, and I understand all those involved have to go by some strict formalities (the police, the judge and their treatment with the witnesses and accused) but I think if such faults should occur more frequently in the face of law, some changes could be made…
I’m also starting to get over how I was treated as a witness; others pleading me to not mention my own abuse as a fact of my fear for not turning over in the bed and stopping Him from molesting Cindy.
Anyway, to get back discussing the article, I went on a long walk here in Galway by Salthill’s promenade and thought over what I read earlier that day. If I think about it logically, the journalist couldn’t have handled the writing of the article any other way; of course, I was taught in media analysis that we writers can never be bias in our research and should always have a “balanced” conclusion.
I guess it’s a little different when it’s your life that’s been judged by outsiders, and hits more at home when I read a “positive” note for Him at the end…
What about Cindy’s safety and welfare; should the protection of children not be a priority…?
I guess I can’t fathom the conclusion that was decided: “…some light at the end of the tunnel”.
I don’t know why but this statement leaves me feeling pretty discouraged; all that effort for justice my family and I worked towards, ends with a focus of his “issues” and rehabilitation. Pretty awful, actually. He raped a harmless baby for feck sake!
I think all He deserves is to be behind bars and without any sunlight!
He also only got seven years; pretty soon he’ll walk scot free on the streets of Sligo again, and I’ll probably run into him again and meet that shameless grin!
No matter how I protest or contemplate the issue, it still doesn’t change the cold facts…
And, truly, it’s not for me to make any judgement; this was Cindy’s court case, not mine. And her case succeeded. Really I should leave it there and, quite rightly as the others have suggested, see the result of His sentence as a justified settlement – for us all to be able to move on from it in our lives.
I will try that, but realistically – what with the abuse coming from a relative and coming from a “broken home” – it’s certainly not going to be easy for any of us…
If there’s any consolation, in spite of all this mess, it’s that I’m finally getting to be comfortable with the fact that I opened up about what happened to me all those years ago. It finally feels liberating because, yes, it’s given my sisters the coming strength to confess their own similar experiences, and I hope not feeling so alone or disbelieved!
Yours always, Jay.
Wednesday, 17th February 2016
Dearest Friend,
That walk out by Salthill’s promenade brought me back some wonderful perspectives on life, and the near-past troubles not so final…
I felt a surge of renewed energy flow through me, giving more life to my soul and having the sense of being collected with myself…
Discovering this purely contented sense of ease and very much accepting what’s gone on before, brought me surprising tears of relief; as I watched the bright waves splash against the ocean’s surface - the beautiful sun about to set, as the water reflected golden clouds.
How lovely it would have been to share this liberation with someone else, but part of me acknowledges that what’s brought such a special realization was the peaceful silence to my pain and the voices of nature as that wondrous encouragement To Live!
Basically, I know how I think on my own and behave around my family and friends to be very different; I engage within different mind-sets, and rightly so.
I know for a fact that I wouldn’t treasure such moments of solitude if tender approaches were in my presence every day, so that’s why I find it thrilling to write this reflectively, and to remember I also have a heart and soul, with some potential and an advantage: I can always improve myself if I really wanted.
So why, I say to myself, suffer self-critical undermining?
It’s interesting that these positive reminders always come to me in states of reflection, and yet half the time when I go about my day I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore; I become speculative and doubting of the steps to take…
I’m sure if anyone I knew, in my daily life, were to read my letters they’d be completely surprised at the extent of my thought process and, for as far as me being passive with my feelings concerned, that so much could be going on in my young life and undisclosed mind!
This deeper part of me I allow only very few to access, since I know I have their sincere trust and go without the embarrassment of being judged, for it certainly feels my dear friends and confidants take me seriously.
And there is great relief in this… To feel you are heard and understood – there is no greater reason to feel you have someone’s utmost trust and companionship to comfortably rely on; for conversation, advice, a good time and a great escape from heavy events in life.
There really is no better meaning to wealth than the happiness and increasing positive well-being that people can offer you – money doesn’t even come close to such a comparison!
Yours, Jay.