Monday, 30th November 2015
Dearest Friend,
The day started out pretty normally at first. I woke up at 7:30 and proceeded with my usual morning routine – lay in bed for an extra five minutes to get the sleep out of my eyes, eat a quick breakfast (that either it being a cereal or a slice of toast with tea) and have a nice refreshing shower to prepare myself for the day…
Mum rang me after 10 to see if I was awake and getting ready. She added that she was feeling very sickly and barely slept because of the stress for what’s to come. However, it mustn’t have been that bad, for Maria stayed the night to keep Mum company.
By the way I had stayed in Sligo with Lucy but I might as well have imagined myself to be alone because her presence was barely felt when speaking about these upcoming matters.
Her thoughts would trail elsewhere, and so I received no solace throughout the night. This was just one of the reasons why I ended up shifting and turning in my sleep, waking up with cramps in my legs, and that incredibly painful migraine which just seemed to come and go by the hour…
Anyways, to cut a long story short, the day seemed to drag on before 4p.m. when I was to meet Mum at the train station and we would travel up to Dublin together. We were to stay at a very fancy hotel called The Hilton, based in Charlement Place, not that far away from the Criminal High court… I had a chat with the Gardai upon receiving my statement and speaking about the plan for court, and at first it was presumed by the police that my family and I would have to pay for our own accommodation arrangements.
In my defense, I argued that I simply couldn’t afford anywhere near the court within my student budget and questioned why I should pay if, in fact, the court demand we attend or could be called upon with contempt of law.
Right there and then he hadn’t the obligation to say what could be done but a week later the guard called me again and informed that the court were paying for mine and my family’s stay fees while expected in the many days of court attendance. I corrected the guard and said that sounded more practical and thanked him for looking into the matter for me.
The police also requested access for my medical records through the HSE and asked that I signed with consent.
Apparently this would confirm that I have a disability and might ease up on the attorney if I’m perhaps interrogated harshly, but really this was a step up suggested from my social worker; who advised that if I’m ever at all “side-tracked” to say I have a disability and can’t answer the question.
She added that if not for that then the court would tear me apart on the stand… Even so, I kept my chin up and believed in my own capability and voice; not to be patronized by those in authority… Of course it’s a lot to take on, but the show must go on!
I received a lift from Unna and her partner from Cartron to the train station and it wasn’t long after I hugged Unna goodbye with appreciation that Mum appeared, rushing up the pathway with all her baggage and didn’t see me in passing. I told Unna that was my mother and she was astonished. “Wow, really? She looks so young… A very attractive young lady, she is. Definitely can see that she’s on a mission!”
I smiled and hurried on up the steps after Mum, waving back at Unna as I did. From a glance I could see the unhappiness in Unna’s eyes; she was anxious for me and I could clearly see that she cared…
Upon greeting Mum I should have known that I would soon feel overwhelmed by her wild spirit and loud personality.
This was just too much show for me to bear in my tranced state. I didn’t have it in me to talk excitedly about our fancy stay, free dinners, etc. and any of the above offerings.
This really was a devastating phase we were passing through and as usual Mum clouds the picture with all her fantasizing and pathetic chit-chat.
To me it’s a direct attitude she has in the face of coping with the past: think of anything else and just have fun…
Well, I’m not exactly in the mood for smiles and laughter, but of course I didn’t tell Mum this.
I just sat back, counted to ten in my head and observed with immense patience. Mum wanted me to download her movies and music during the stay, and one song she recounted as having listened to when she messed around with my Dad at seventeen, called Shiny Happy People by R.E.M.
Of course it wasn’t all that depressing; all the same it was nice to see that Mum was near, but conversationally we never went further from the superficial.
I just had to grin and bear the fact that even this court case wasn’t enough to evoke Mum towards a great change, but instead was going to behave as childlike as she always had done, and that hurt to know…
Not even this tragedy was going to bring us closer, and it is a tragedy because even if he does go to prison it makes the corruption and the breakdown of our family felt very real, and it’s bound to cause disagreements in the surrounded circle eventually.
It’s what’s not said at the time of it being necessary that’s the problem because they’re carrying that guilt and hatred and giving out those vibes to the people they meet.
Anyhow, that’s not a worry I should carry myself, but you know how aware I am of the things happening around us…
Mum and I arrived in Dublin around 7p.m. and got a taxi to the hotel. During the drive Mum talked merrily with the old driver about Irish music and the best beers in Ireland.
At one point he looked back at me through his hanging mirror and said “You alright, lad? He doesn’t talk much, does he…?” Mum laughed. “Who, Jason? Ah that’s my son. He’s sound. Going to college, so he is. I’m a very proud mama!”
“Well done, chap!” The driver added to me.
I just rolled my eyes, sighed silently and wished for the minutes to arrive sooner that we’d arrive at the hotel and I could get these people out of my sight. It was beginning to get too much!
If there’s one good thing I’m happy with it’s that I didn’t have to share a bedroom with my Mother; God, that would have been unbearable.
At first the guard thought it was bet but I was adamant to have my own privacy… Besides, it’s not legitimate to rest with other witnesses during court trials!
And, boy, am I very happy with my room. I was given a suite on the top floor with a master king sized bed, balcony view and of course posh bathroom and shower, as well as having a wardrobe, cooler and safe. I’m very grateful, although I feel guilty to have these privileges…
I’m here sitting in bed, ready to turn in. Mum just left after nicely ironing my suit for the morning…
Lights out, friend, I better go.
Wish me look for the morning, looks like I’m gonna need it!
Yours, Jay.