Saturday night, 2nd May 2015
Dearest Friend,
Poor Lucy... She's found herself in a harsh situation, which isn't always so bearable to deal with alone.
She thinks she can face it head-on by being passive and not saying much, while deep inside she is pondering over things and not seeing much direction... I've often wondered if my company and positive advice is helping her at all - I've noticed she's at a loss of finding enthusiasm!
I have a lot of faith in Lucy, and I see a lot of strength forming throughout this intense endurance, but this superhuman effort to seek out superiority over the problems is wailing overtime, and the truth of the matter is that it's not in Lucy to seek competition; as she truly is a humble soul and ultimately wants to find peace of mind...
And yet, the quarrels with her mother seem to hit the surface anyhow...and I think a lot of it is due to lack of communication and a past not fully accepted.
It's really sad to witness because, despite the bickering going on, they are a beautiful family and love each other a great deal!
The difference is that it's not like some typical phase where families clash and rekindle their differences, but actually, it's an unpleasant situation of a broken family due to the loss of their father/husband and a trauma incomprehensible, and only until such a heavy burden is experienced can a person relate or share understanding...
Such a painful loss affected them all so different, as it would for a mourning wife and three troubled daughters, and the fact that they didn't continue therapy is surely a factor on the harm of their mental health...
At the time, it is said that Lucy's mother wasn't prepared to face the reality and had other ways of coping, but for Lucy and her sisters, it was a vital time for an outer intervention and to receive the psychological guidance they needed to apprehend their loss.
Anyway, I can't help but empathize with her mother at the same time because I'd imagine she was acting out of grief and felt isolated in bringing up her girls on her own, especially as she looked to her husband's strength.
Because Margo always worked to pay the bills and was busy as a nurse, she didn't have time to bond emotionally with her girls as much as was required.
It was mostly Thomas that stayed at home and spoiled his children. I imagine that a lot of the conflict is due to life misunderstandings and holding different perspectives on a personal level, which naturally would clash when it's spoken out - because I imagine Margo has a lot of regrets she hasn't come to acknowledge, deep down, and how her daughters are distant due to a motherly-and-daughter-bond that was never felt...
Still, that's not to say it's Margo's fault - circumstances can be cruel and life can bring its sacrifices.
It's understandable that Margo was lost in her job and worked hard to earn an income, that would benefit the whole household - in her own right mind she didn't predict how horrifying fate can lead, and so an unpredictable thing happened: Thomas was diagnosed with pancreas cancer and it put the family's situation upside down...
And worse still, in Thomas's last hours with his family, they witnessed how he died violently (without using morphine or accepting medical care) in his bed at home.
It's unimaginable what Lucy and her family really went through; especially she, to lose her father at such a young age, who was the closest she resembled herself out of the family circle...
Within those precious few hours when Lucy and I chat over a mug of tea, she once reminisced a time where she lived a happy and carefree childhood; being outspoken and a bit of a wild child. All those characteristics would change after her father's passing and swallowing a harsh load of reality...
She sees now why she has struggled emotionally all those years, but would like to think she's standing on her own two feet at present.
I guess receiving some encouragement from home could help her believe that...
I've probably said it before but I truly admire Lucy's strengths - ones she herself mightn't fully acknowledge.
She hides it all behind modesty and self-criticism. But throughout the years, I've observed the beauty and sorrow that she ponders - how her intellect goes beyond her human years and her thinking majestic in a lot of its insight!
I've noticed how she tries, really tries to see the bigger picture and articulate what she wants to say - how she admits her own faults and reasons in the quarrels with her mother, how she wants to prove her capability of independence, and ultimately wants to seek the most practical approach in solving the problems she is having with Margo.
I would like to think mother and daughter can settle their differences, but I have the slight inkling that Lucy's idealizing of a "unification" isn't going to reach the perfect outcome.
Although I don't doubt Lucy's intentions to be the most willing, especially as she's leaving herself vulnerable in the process, I think Margo's ideals are more prompted towards everyday distractions and keeping herself dutiful to remain mentally sharp.
By looking at it from an opposite point of view, you'd imagine Margo was functioning better under the circumstances. Except, whenever a delicate topic is brought up, about the past or Thomas especially, she can't handle how her girls see the situation and would demand a change of conversation or even leave the room... It is these sort of obstacles that bother Lucy, as well as Kelly and Adela...
I remember speaking to Margo briefly before about wanting to make contact with Adela about a documentary I was producing as part of my TV and Film course last year, and suddenly Margo became a wreck over the phone - expressing her guilt and shame, as well as her concerns about communicating with Lucy, and from the way she was venting, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her...
In a lot of her own ways, Margo does try.
Although she avoids "deep" discussion having to do with the past, in little ways she tries desperately to bring the family forward by moving about, busying herself with day-to-day tasks and setting an example that she feels to be right.
By observing things as an outsider, I think, emotionally speaking, circumstances have made Margo cold - to always see the worse side of things, to be embarrassed by her daughters' weaknesses; to deny them of unconditional love and closeness, to see only shame by their "disabilities" and to become overly-sensitive when either of them makes an approach to get through to her...
It's a lot to bear for one person, I acknowledge that - but I also see that there are two sides to the story that must be taken into account, in order for a balance to be formed, and I think this is what Margo needs help with - to be emotionally capable and stronger still in her hardened state of mind... What Lucy might find hard to accept is that this change of attitude is a choice that only Margo can make on her own!
Yours,
Jay.