Dear Diary,
I kind of thought I was over it but cutting a small slit on my arm actually helped with my emotions today. "I hurt myself today....to see if I still feel"
Gotta love Johnny Cash and/or NIN for summing my life up with a song lyric.
...........I hurt myself today, To see if I still feel, I focus on the pain, The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole, The old familiar sting,Try to kill it all away, But I remember everything
What have I become, My sweetest friend, Everyone I know, Goes away in the end
And you could have it all, My empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of shit, Upon my liars chair, Full of broken thoughts, I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time, The feelings disappear, You are someone else, I am still right here
What have I become, My sweetest friend, Everyone I know, Goes away in the end
And you could have it all, My empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt
If I could start again, A million miles away, I will keep myself, I would find a way.............
I used a razor, no needle. It is a familiar pain and it helps temporarily
I hate remembering everything.
I let everyone down and I hurt people, not physically but just by my actions
I can never repair my thoughts
Ryan you are gone and off doing your life, yet here I am
What have I become?!?! I don't even want to think of the answers to that question
I want to start again, a million miles away, I need to find a way
Jesus that song is what my feelings are now
I actually found someone to sell me some vicodin, the best part it is injectable. I need to just block out pain and memories right now.
I am a mess but I am the only one to blame for it all.
How do I do this thing called life?!?!