Dear Diary,
I lied to one of my friends this evening. I just couldn't tell him about how shitty things are. He would worry and then I would worry about him worrying about me.
I always put other people's happiness first. It makes me feel better when the people I know are happy, even if I am miserable.
I have a knot in my stomach about lying to him though. Like why couldn't I just say how shitty things are going?! I feel awful.
He wouldn't be happy or pleased with the news. Not like that is an excuse not to tell him. He would probably then tell my parents about how I have been beat pretty bad lately. Drugs alcohol, just a whole slew of shit stew.
I guess I thought when I left Kemper's it wouldn't get this shitty this quick. I was wrong!
I'm wrong about everything, all the time.
I don't even know what to do anymore. Every decision I make fucks everything up.
Maybe tomorrow will bring me more perspective...... i hope