Dear Diary, I want to give up on my friends.
I've never made many friends since I was a kid, so it's very difficult to me to deal with this. Through my life I had ones that I called friends, but with the friends that I have now I realize they were all fake. But, that's no the real problem.
About 3 years ago, I made friends with friend F and friend N
They're always so funny and nice, I love then. But I'm so confsed, maybe I'm just being jealous or selfish, but it hurts me so hard. The live colser to each other than I am, and they were best friends longer than I was with them. My insecurities also make impossible to me open up with them and hang out more, and they're always sleeping over each other's houses, or hanging out together.
Well, the thing is not that, but the fact that they are putting me at the same level of friendship that they're in, as if we're a trio. Sincerely I used to believe that, but I can't anymore. It hurts me every time they include me or not, I've been trying to make them clarify that I'm just a refular friend of them, but they keep saying the same thing. I'm sure they are not liars, but thar just don't make sense, and I always feel sad about that.
I honestly don't want to get away from them, but I don't wanna be hurted anymore.
What should I do?
(The chances of someone replying me are very low, so I hope I can find the answer myself, even though I've been thinking about that a whole year).