Today was certainly a day. It was a long sleepy day with anxiety eating at me.
It started at 9am. I'd already been awake for about 2 hours because I woke me up and his 5 year old butt was immediately at 110% energy. I went back to bed around 7:30 or 8am and tried to wind down again on my phone, but instead I headed toward the brink of a panic attack. I sent this to Da about how I was feeling:
I'm doing the thing again where I'm just like "I want to play tcgo and watch pokemon and watch anime and read books and read manga and play Pokemon x and play shield and other switch games and I want to rewatch Schitt's Creek and there's not enough time in the day to do all these things" "and idk if I'll ever be able to do all the things that I want to do because there's just so much and time is so fleeting and"
So I forced myself to think of nothing and fell asleep.
Then my dad woke me up around 2-2:30pm to watch Jacob, which didn't really bother me too much even though I could've used some more sleep.
I went to the bathroom, peed, and wiped myself.
Last Sunday (6th), I took out my birth control (nuvaring) for my period week. Usually I'll have really really light bleeding on Thursday (you can barely tell it's there at all and it's inconsistent) and my consistent period will start on Friday or Saturday.
Well, when I wiped myself, I didn't see any blood. In fact, I hadn't seen any period blood at all this week.
I was freaking out.
I'm not ready for this.
So for the next couple of hours after that I was essentially praying to feel a period cramp or a leak or some indication of a period.
I haven't had sex since November 26th and I was using birth control and we used a condom... But I started taking antibiotics on November 30th and sperm can survive for several days inside the vagina and uterus...
Then when I went to pee around 8pm, I finally saw some evidence of my period. Thank god. I've almost never been happier to have a period.
Luckily this wasn't nearly as bad as my first (and only other) pregnancy scare. It was with my ex-friends-with-benefits. I bought several pregnancy tests just to make sure they all said negative and I took them with him. We never again had sex without a condom afterwards. God it was so scary.
I miss having sex without condoms but I don't really trust birth control alone. I know that if Da and I had sex without a condom just once, we would be addicted more than we already are.
I'm too scared to risk it right now. Covid is only getting worse in our state and between the two of us, he's the only one actually working since I'm on a leave of absence. Diapers and shit are expensive.
Eventually one day we will have hella unprotected sex and it's gonna feel amazing, but not anytime soon.
Edit:
5:35am December 13th
J woke up at 4:12am and asked me to come snuggle with him. I snuck out of his bed a few minutes ago and went to the bathroom. I have no questions about whether I'm having my period or not now.
So it turns out I've been fed some misinformation about antibiotics and birth control. I found on planned parenthood and webmd that the only antibiotic(s) that would lower the effectiveness of hormonal birth control is rifampin/Rifadin and I definitely didn't take that.
"So far, the only antibiotic that studies show interferes with birth control is rifampin (Rifadin), a drug used to treat tuberculosis.
Rifampin causes irregular periods. It raises the risk that you may get pregnant even if you use your birth control the right way.
Apart from rifampin, you're safe to take birth control pills at the same time as antibiotics without also using a back-up method." -webmd
So yeah, make sure you always fact check your parents and don't just assume they're right. 🙄
I'd bring this up to my parents when I wake up, but then they'd ask why I thought I was pregnant because I haven't been in a position to have sex, in their minds, since sometime in October and I'd already had one period since then. I'd pretty much be outing myself for having sneaky sex on Thanksgiving. I guess I'll educate them the next time I hear them say something like that.
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