November 29, 2020

Dear Diary,

I am writing after so long. Back in 2017 when I was done with my second year I thought the friends I had back then, if not all at least a few will stay in touch. But after these 3 years I realise how lonely I actually am. In fact i was  lonely back then also...may be i just realised it now.

And I DO NOT blame them even .Or may be just 1%. Coz I know its my fault for being bad at keeping in touch with people.

In 2017  I started ACCA , initially I took classes..but now I self-study. So there is literally no friend tht I talk to now ...💔

Yeah it hurts but I tell myself its fine

I miss the fun conversations I used to have with them. But I am just tht type of a person. I don't call or text them . Because I feel they might feel bothered or annoyed. Few months ago, I dreamed of a friend of mine ..a really good friend ...I use to enjoy her company. I missed  her so I mustered up  the courage to text her tht Hey hello how r u ...how r u doing? 

I saw u in my dream...she replied then I asked her about her studies...and all but ...u know when u feel the conversation is not ...like u feel nothing to talk about and feel the other person is not interested in talking....ahhh tht feeling. .i felt that. 

I am not good at conversations and not a social person...I am pobably the type of person people refer to as having    a "boring personality "

But tht is wht I am...can't help it

I don't want to change 

But is this how it is ?

Do people like me have friends?  I mean genuine friends and I am just the unlucky person who still is waiting to meet  a good friend 

Some of  my friends are getting engaged or married but I still stand here like a child on the first day of school, wishing to have a friend...