Dear Diary,
I hate my work, but when I dont do any work i hate myself. Everything just feels exhausting. In these really tough times normally I would tell myself this is just a phase. I hated my job so much that I chose to create a life outside that job that would probably help me earn. But the catch is, in order to have a successful life outside work, I cant slack around. I created a yt channel, launched an online shop, recently I met a great guy, but why is it that I cant be happy for myself? I cant rest as my mind is always planning. I feel restless expecting and daydreaming the worst and best things all at once. Sometimes I think I do all of this because my reality is a bit too harsh for me to handle, so I tried controlling and handling it. But when I did, it still feels empty, so unfulfilling. Its as if im living on survival mode, its never painful but its draining me a lot. When will i ever learn to be thankful for my life, diary?