October 15, 2020


It's 1am and I'm up again. It's because i don't have oil to smoke =( Payday is on Friday i hopei can make it until them. We have no good food to eat no protein just carbs so it's impossible to satisfy this hunger for very long. My brother said some people struggle financially because of God's Provision but I'm not sure what that is i should perhaps look into it.
I feel helpless restless and anxious šŸ˜°could be withdraws from nicotine i haven't smoked in maybe 2 weeks cold turkey I'm sure that's a factor. I take my medication every day too as i want to maintain as normal a level of brain chemistry as i can. 
I wish i was a balloonist that would fucking help with this shit. Like to literally  float away that shit would be wonderful.
This is boring too.