On regrets - 26 sept. 2020

1
Comments

Dear Diary,

How do I go on...?

After a few months of dating him, he knew almost everything... I told my best friends about my mother's drinking problem after knowing them for about 5 years; I absolutely refused to talk to them about my anxiety, always leaving my panic attacks unexplained. But for him... I turned into an open book, even if it took some convincing. 

But then he goes and at the smallest fight regarding some stupid unimportant thing, he tries to take his life saying he tried to do it for me. How can you say you love someone and then say they are the reason you tried to do that? 

Don't get me wrong, I know anxiety and self-harm, I know low self-esteem, I grew up near depression and I am dealing with it too.. but I still can't understand how it is possible to do that. How can you make someone you say you love feel like that? And then try that two more times with the same reasoning.. 

Maybe I'm wrong.. hell, all I've done since that first attempt is hate myself for making him think my life would be better if he actually succeeded, so maybe I am looking at this the wrong way. But to make the person you say you love feel the way he made me feel.. let's just say I wouldn't even think of doing that to my worst enemy. 

He knew.. he knew me and what I lived through and what I felt.. and he ruined me even further. And I don't know how to get over that. 

S
Sabina✓
Sep 26, 2020 · 42 views

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M
miztok2much101Sep 26, 2020

Wow! That is such a terrible thing he did to you. Of course You would be upset. Anyone would. You revealed the deepest part of your heart and soul and with just one sentence he made it seem like it was the worst thing you could do. How do you go on? All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and take one moment at a time then you take one day at a time. And you deal with the hurt and with the pain. As hard as it is you must allow yourself to feel that hurt and pain. Because unless you do you will not only give it power over you so you continue to hurt. Never give hurt and pain the power to control you because sooner or later it will destroy you. Don't give him that power. Remember, one moment at a time, one day at time. The hurt will go away one day. I promise you it will. What I can't promise you is how long it will take. That will be up to you and your heart. Until it does you keep on writing, and I will be here helping you thru it. That's what real friends do. They help, not hurt .🤗

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