Dear Diary,
How do I go on...?
After a few months of dating him, he knew almost everything... I told my best friends about my mother's drinking problem after knowing them for about 5 years; I absolutely refused to talk to them about my anxiety, always leaving my panic attacks unexplained. But for him... I turned into an open book, even if it took some convincing.
But then he goes and at the smallest fight regarding some stupid unimportant thing, he tries to take his life saying he tried to do it for me. How can you say you love someone and then say they are the reason you tried to do that?
Don't get me wrong, I know anxiety and self-harm, I know low self-esteem, I grew up near depression and I am dealing with it too.. but I still can't understand how it is possible to do that. How can you make someone you say you love feel like that? And then try that two more times with the same reasoning..
Maybe I'm wrong.. hell, all I've done since that first attempt is hate myself for making him think my life would be better if he actually succeeded, so maybe I am looking at this the wrong way. But to make the person you say you love feel the way he made me feel.. let's just say I wouldn't even think of doing that to my worst enemy.
He knew.. he knew me and what I lived through and what I felt.. and he ruined me even further. And I don't know how to get over that.