10:40am
Dear Diary,
Speaking on my childhood.. it makes me fucking mad. The abuse I’ve endured makes me fucking mad. The people who knew and did NOTHING make me fucking mad and I would spit on their graves if I could.
Coming from a mother who’s the literal clinical definition of a psychopath, who has no motherly bone in her body... physically, emotionally, verbally, and mentally abuse her daughter.. unable to run or go anywhere bc she was a master manipulator and had the law on her side Bc she was a cop, she used her power and forced it any way she could... painting a story that I’m unstable and she’s the best mother trying to take care of her unstable child(Bc of all my suicide attempts Bc of her)... if her charming ways couldn’t control and sway people then she scared and threatened people with the weight of the law and forced them to believe her. Imagine this, I call the cops on her and the cops leave and do nothing bc hey cops stick together lol. The system is so damaged it’s honestly disgusting. I was getting my head beat in with metal pipes and inside my eyes bleeding from blunt force trauma.
From ages 5-18 being subject to her madness and abuse I was unbelievably broken but now at 23 I am glad that I came out okay. I’m so proud of the person I am, how I don’t carry hate in my heart I walk with strength, confidence, and authenticity and love even though I was never loved correctly. I became awakened spiritually. I understand now, you have no power over me unless I give it to you. And that in itself kills her Bc power is her MO.
But I guess going through this was all in god’s plan for me, I understand now I’m protected by god... and coincidentally I discovered my name means protected by god. All those times I wished to die and tried to overdose and kill myself as a kid and none of the attempts worked. I now know why.
I was destined to be everything I desire to be, having the life I always longed to have bc my heart is pure and remained so through all those ugly years I had to go through by myself. My work ethic and my drive is effortlessly strong. I don’t stop until I get what I want Bc I know I’m in control of my life and where I take it.
& I can’t wait to see where I take this thing called life, I know it’ll be a movie. And someday years from now I hope for my kids to see my truth and see how strong their mother is Bc I know I’ll love them with my whole entire being.