Dear Diary,
the last 6 weeks have been really crazy. I don't know where to start...
PREQUEL
Lets start in December 19. My Ex broke up with me after I fell into a depression. Didn't knew it back then but in the end it turned out good that she did, I don't want to spend my life with somebody who is not devoted or loyal with me.
After spending about 6 months in therapy, I realized what the problems were and how to solve them or not to do them again.
GETTING TO KNOW HER
At that time a girl caught my attention. Let's call her J. I knew her already, I was working with her at a club. I was looking for a new place to stay and she tried to help me with that. It didn't work out but we still had kind of contact on social media. I asked her out for dinner but it took super long so I figured out she was not interested. She had a car accident and her car was wasted. She was struggling with pain and politics about the car with the insurance company etc. Time passed. But our ways crossed soon.
To pick up her new ride I suggested to help her and give her a ride to the place the car was at. We kinda talked about this and that, nothing special. The day got over and we had some kind of chitchat.
After my Birthday in July we were joking around and got the idea to go for a swim. She made an appointment but cancelled it and then revive it. So we went to another place, so we won't be recognized and nobody knows us. She hates people talking behind her back and me too.
We spend the afternoon there, had really good conversations about life. I kind of felt that there is something but I was not sure wether it is her body or her mind. Her body was crazy good. She had the right thinking about loyalty, morals, ethics etc. I told her a little bit about my past and she did also. It is strange to talk about private issues with somebody you barely know. Anyways, we did it and got really good along with each other.
As I asked her wether there is a certain place in the world she wants to travel she responded there was a small village at the Italian westcoast, called P. J was dreaming about going there someday and visit that beauty. The beauty and the architecture is killing her. We crossed several other topics and the day ended.
We enjoyed each other (imo) and we decided to go on another "date". This time two weeks later at another small city. Same stuff happens, we get deeper on a spiritual level, I get the feeling I was knowing her my whole life. She talks more about her bad past. I do the same. Something is not right, I start to look at her differently as I did with women in the past. She is pushing the right buttons, but I'm playing it cool. No touching, no misbehavior, I'm good at staying humble.
Well this date ends and she catches up with me couple of days after for a walk. It should have been a cigarette but it turned 5 hours. Stuff is getting deeper.
We get along and I invite her for dinner at my place. No naughty thoughts, just food. Ok I might got infatuated but I'm not looking in smashing her. Well I do but you know what I mean :)
She is late, she is ashamed because she made a mistake, no big deal. I make dinner, we eat, we talk. She gives me a ride to work. After 6 Weeks I finally kiss her. Very rare moments in my life were so good. Supergood. I think she's the most beautiful girl I've ever kissed, maybe the greatest creature to me.
A couple of days later I come to her place. I stay overnight. What more can I say? :)))
NOW THE SHADY THINGS START!
As she was telling me she wanted to see that place and her birthday is coming up I thought it would be the perfect occasion to get her to that place. Her Birthdays weren't that cool the last years. But she is turning 30 and she needs a special gift for that special day. No strings attached. She can choose with whom she wants to go to that place. So I start looking and browsing. That day about 11:30 I go to bed. I usually take my Notebook with me, so I did that evening. Something is running on YouTube, some psychological stuff, life etc. I think I fall asleep about an hour later.
I wake up at 3:45 AM. Laptop is still running. I barely can see what's on that screen but all I can see is a proposal. It got over to proposal compilations. I take another look and the couple is at a beach. With some umbrellas in the front and building build in the hills. I have seen this place. I take a screenshot and pause the video. I google the city she mentioned. It is without a doubt the city P. I check the whole video. It is 10 minutes long and has about 10-15 different proposals. This particular scene is about 30 seconds long. Youtube has min. 150 of these compilations. The city J liked has around 3.500 citizens. No major city. No noises in the background (the ocean, people talking etc.) I do the math
The odds are 1:3 BILLION to catch that up. I have to wake up in the exact same period when this video is running and this scene is shown to me. There are more than 5M cities in the world.
My question:
Destiny? God? Coincidence?
I mean it's all good, I'm infatuated as hell, maybe even deeply in love but this is some scary ass shit. I never believed in destiny or purpose, but what if this is exactly it? I start to catch feelings, I kind of told her before we got physical with each other. But this is more. I'm feeling stuff that is not explainable, something I never had before. What if true love has crossed my lousy way? What if it is meant to be? I don't know what to do, all I do is think about her.
I don't know if I am ready. I hope I am. I hope I don't mess this up.
What do you think?