September 04, 2020

Dear Diary, well the last two days I met up with Belle  again. She always just wants to spontaneoulsy meet up with me. Our hometowns are connected bay a trainline. It takes about 50 mins, but it's ok. Tuesday I was in her town, yesterday she was in mine.

We never actually go inside our homes though. For me it's because I think it would be awkward with my mom. And she always says that her flat is too unorganized. I don't mind it though. On tuesday we went to a playground at night and just used the giant swings they had there for a while. We also went shopping for a bit.

Yesterday we went to a park and read a book about theatre with children. She got a new job in Kindergarden and wants to do plays with them. I also lend her a story book from Hans Christian Andersen. One of the boys really likes mermaids and I suggested she could read the little mermaid for him.

I really don't know if she is interested in me or not. She keeps wanting to meet me, but maybe she is just bored alone and doesn't know anyone else who usually has no plans for the evening? And she keeps mentioning her Tinder. A few months ago she started it and even met someone from there. She has a lot of matches of course. While I'm on 3 dating apps and have zero matches. But appatently Tinder doesn't work on her phone anymore? Is she trying to make me jealous by mentioning it? Because that stuff doesn't work on me, it just makes me sad.

I want to just hug her so bad... We do hug sometimes when we greet each other or say goodbye. But it's not enough. I want to hug longer :(

Tomorrow she wants to go to that Irish Bar again. I'm probqbly not going to go though. One reason is that the drunk people there got a bit annoying after a while, like that american guy who kept questioning me why I don't drink.

Another is that I will spend time with my dad tomorrow and I don't know if I need more social interaction after that. We don't have the best relationship. We do like each other, we are just very distant because we don't have that much in common.

My parents sepparated when I was 13, because my Dad is an alcoholic. It was pretty bad. Since then je has managed to be sober and he has a new girlfriend who I don't like much. She tried to be like a mom to me which was super weird. She is a positive influence on his life though.

Last year my dad was diagnosed with pancreas cancer. Probably because he drank so much and is also a heaby smoker. He has beaten it, but now with Corona a new danger has appeared.

I feel kinda bad for not spending time with him, but it's not really my fault. He is the main reason why I don't drink too. I think he is a pretty shy person too, but he used alcohol to mask that. I don't want to be like that, but it makes every social interaction harder. Everybody everywhere always talk about drinking. It's even the main thing girls have on their dating profiles. I wish our society wasn't like this. I don't mind if other people drink, but please don't make it a necessity to form human connections.

At least Belle doesn't drink either. She said she used to be drunk a ll the time though, when she was younger.

Ok take care!