August 23, 2020

Dear Diary, I'm feeling really down again. Mostly because of what happened yesterday. But I also can't stop thinking about the problems young men like me face and how nobody takes them seriously. So I think I have to write this down.

But first I want to say that this does not mean that men have it worse than women or anything. I know that women face many difficult problems and are still not completely equated to men in a lot of areas in life. But men have serious problems too and the archetype of what we are supposed to be weighs very heavy on us as well. We need something akin to feminism, but that would mean men would have to openly talk about their weaknesses. I don't see that happen very soon.

Men might not be judged as much on their appearence as women are, but our characters are very fiercly judged. We are supposed to be those super confident, always witty, never talking about their fear kind of people. But some of us just aren't, and it's so frustrating to hear that you have to be this persona to have a girlfriend.

We don't get any attention from women (at least I do) and then we somehow are supposed to be built confidence based on that. No wonder that a common complaint about men is that they overestimate their own attractiveness. Everybody tells us that we are SUPPOSED to do that. Everybody tells you to just be confident and don't think about how obnoxious you look to women when you approach them.

I just can't do that, I felt like such a prick whenever I tried. I felt so sorry for the women. I don't want to be talked to by some random person either.

And I understand that women don't do it. They already have enough unwanted attention. And in their case society tells them to be super passive, which must suck too when you like a guy.

It's just so unbalanced. Women are harassed by terrible guys, who were told all their lives they are supposed to be that way. So that makes them not show any affection to men. The men feel terrible because women don't seem to like them. So they buy into that toxic culture even more.

If everybody just showed each other affection equally everything would be so much better.

But that won't be in a long time. And I am young now and I want to finally experience love, handholding, cuddling, sex all of that. I've never had any of these.

When I hear Belle talk about how she wants kids already, I get so anxious. The women around me are thinking about stuff like that and I just want to have my first experiences.

The people who say it doesn't matter when you start are so wrong. Here I am with no experience and it just gets worse the older I get. I want to have a family eventually. But not with my first girlfriend. But it looks like I will have neither really...

I also heard Belle talk about Pickup Artists yesterday, who approached her. I hate their view of them women, but unfortunately they are the only ones who give lonely men like me tips. I never knew what flirting actually was and nobody could ever explain it to me. Just some vague stuff about compliments. But they actually tell you what to say. No wonder that many men go down that dark path. Why will nobody else take this problem seriously? So many young men get bad ideas, just because they feel like they are completely unwanted.