Dear Diary, ok now I will tell you about Belle.
I first saw her last October (crazy how time flew with Corona) in a seminar. To be honest I usually look around me at Uni and look for women I like. And she was one that I noticed, because she was pretty much exactly my type.
I want to describe my type, but I fear that someone reading this could feel bad. But I like other women too and I think almost any type of woman is somenones favorite. You are all awesome and I don't want to diminish anyone.
So I really like petite girls. They dont have to be super thin, they can be average weight. But I'm usually not really into the "thick" type that is so popular right now. So I really like small boobs for example. Again large ones are great too, but I always find myself drawn to these kind of girls
I also really like brown hair and kind of a sophisticated (in lack of a better term) face. The character is also super important, probably even more than looks. Smart and shy girls are so great!
I think I developed this type because of my school crush, but I will tell you more about her another time
So back to Belle. Hee looks are pretty much exactly what I just described. Petite, small boobs, long brown hair. So naturally I looked at her a bit more often during class.
When I heard her talk for the first time, I noticed however that her character is different. She is smart, but also a bit esoteric, so she values her feelings very highly. And she is very extroverted.
So I never thought I would ever speak much with her. I noticed though that she would also go to the same lecture before the seminar.
And it so happened that eventually we did speak. I think the first time it was her who asked me something about the lecture. And then I later asked the professor that question, because I didn't know the answer. I think she liked that ane I felt very proud at that moment. So we sometimes talked a little bit. Really only a few sentences.
In December we also bumped into each other at the christmas market randomly. I was there with people from my Chatgroup. It felt super awkward. She was suddenly behind me and said hey. And I said: Oh hi, you are here too. What a coincidence..
It was so lame. I felt terrible about myself for not using a chance like that properly.
But it turned put that I would get another big chance. After the Winter break, we were going the way from the seminar to the lecture together. And she asks me stuff about my Holidays, and also mentions that she had a bad time with her boyfriend and that they broke up. I didn't really know what to do with sudden personal info like that. But I did my best to maintain the conversation.
And then she asks me if we could study for the test sometime and if we could exchange numbers. It was like a dream.
So of course I gave her my number and she wanted to go in a hike to talk about the testsubjects.
She also made a learning group in Whatsapp, which made me think that learning really was the only reason she wanted to engage with me. I was the only one in there though, until I added some other people I knew.
But then she texted me about her exboyfriend again. It turned out that he was verbally really abusive and constantly accused her of cheating. He would scream at her and threaten to break up. But she actually loved him and would always give him another chance. She was never sure if it wasn't actually her fault and if she wasn't the one who should apologize. So she always had contact with him again and the same things would happen again. They had broken up several times now and always got back together.
So she wanted to know from me what I thought. And she had the theory that he was a narcicist or a psychopath and also wanted my thoughts on that. At first I tried to stay neutral, because I didn't actually know if she was accurately describing the situation. But the more I heard the more I believed her, because it was very consistent.
And it turned out that she also had a obsessive-compulsice disorder. So she was really concerned about lying to people she would always correct the facts in her texts or things she said to me, hours later. Really minute things, bug she still thought about them.
This disorder made it even harder for her to break up with that guy, because she felt dependant on him.
So I did my best to help her and give her a advice from a neutral perspective. She would text me the whole night. And even phone me when she felt really bad. Sometimes she managed to block him, but then they just talked on facebook and he gave her more accusations. It was very difficult.
Why did I do it? Well, I really like helping people, but I have to admit that I also did it because she is so beautiful for me. I never thought she would actually have feelings for me and even now it doesn't look like it.
This is getting long and I have to sleep so I will contiue the story another time. All the best!