Dear Diary,
It has been way too long since I have allowed myself to STOP, and SIT, and WRITE... I have so much in my head and on my heart...I don't even know where to start.
HEALTH: So I have tried to do this VEGAN thing that my nephrologist has been really begging me to try. My proteinuria when I started noticing issues were at 8-9g (8000-9000mg). I had been on steroids, and medicines, and things weren't really helping. I went from 190lbs to 275lbs, and I was miserable. I went from healthy kidneys to stage 2 failures, and the doctors where I lived wanted to refer me out but he specialists were so packed that they were only taking stage 3 and 4 patients...and the dialysis patients were in hallways on dollar store loungers cause there was no room. So we moved, and I found a doctor, and he weened me off the meds, put me on 1 on a low dose, and had me try a vegan diet...in a matter of 3 months my numbers dropped to 700mg. Much closer to the 200mg mark he wanted to get me to. He did tell me that normal...healthy people with no kidney issues will have 0-10mg, and people with kidney issues they want to have 200mg or less. He really feels that with the injuries from the disease that they found on the biopsy, I will never have 0mg ever again, my filters are just too damaged, but if we can keep it as low as possible it will help my kidneys fail slower...as like instead of them die-ing in 5-10 years, they can die in like 30-50 years... I have also been working on losing weight too So GOALS...right?
FOOD: I love cooking...baking...being in the kitchen... it's my passion and my hobby. But not lately. My husband has diabetes, and has to be on KETO, we have found that keeping him off of meds that KETO has been the key to keeping his A1C at 5.0. Low glycemic, and paleo, and Mediterranean just didn't quite work with his specific body chemistry. And me with VEGAN... I find that the things I loved to cook and do...we cannot do. I try substitutions, and changing things, but it loses the flavor, or texture, or the essences of the techniques or outcome just aren't the same or right anymore. For 2 or almost 3 weeks now... I have had no drive, or passion, or want to even be in the kitchen anymore. I don't know how to get it back. Not to mention where we moved to is the middle of no where and there's more animal parts than produce or variety of things. I have decided to start a subscription to a food delivery service so that I can get new varieties of foods within our different dietary needs. But I still don't find that I have the joy, or passion of cooking. Now it's chore, a requirement, and I have to force myself to do it. I really feel bad for my husband, he gets things that are repeated and easy and quick to cook, instead of varied and cooked with love. I know that going out to eat is too expensive and challenging to meet our needs, it's just not worth going out anymore. Not to mention the virus stuff right now, and our doctors have told us that we are both high risk to the virus, and to long term complications if we do get sick...
WORK: March 23rd my company issued me a laptop and told me to work from home. I am still working from home. I miss people's faces and getting out and doing things. With my medication, I have a reaction to heat...so going out is challenging when it's 90-110+ deg out side...so I wait for cooler days or evening times, but like just the 45 minutes outside yesterday I got over 38 mosquito bites on my legs alone...through my blue jeans... not to include the ones my arms, neck, back, face and other places... so... I almost feel like I just don't want to leave the house...what...so...ever. I even ordered a treadmill but the delivery just keeps getting delayed...It's about 2 months past its original delivery now... I do enjoy working from home...but not all the time...there's paperwork and actually seeing the gear and equipment that I miss, not to mention human interactions. I feel like everyone should be allowed one week in a month to work from home...but this all the time...gets to be a drag. It's good to change things up...but all one way or all another way is really annoying.
LIFE: I still have my memory dreams...I still have my anxieties...I still have a wonderful and loving relationship with my husband. We try our best to support one another and be there as much as we can, or get the other some kind of support if we are not able to do it ourselves. My dad just had his 70's birthday, and my mom's 68th is just around the corner. I miss seeing them. I used to see them about once every 3 months...but with all the travel restrictions, that has been about impossible. My niece is starting college this month...I cannot believe she growing up so much. I feel like the last 10 years I have been standing still, and when I have the want, and the means to get out and do things...there's a pandemic that has drained all my hopes away. SIGH
I am getting my health under control...
I have a loving and wonderful husband...
I have a good and supportive family...
I have my mind and soul...
I have a job...
I am able to pay my bills..
Let me please try to be thankful for what I do have during these unsure times, and let me find ways to continue to work towards my goals.