Dear Diary,
he is coming to visit today. I left to go on a mini vacation away from life to try to get my thoughts together. Well today he is coming to see me. He left work and is headed straight down. Its a two and a half hour drive. Im nervous. I want to see him. I know we have a lot of talking to do and a lot of figuring out to do. I want this to work more than anything. I wish it would all stop replaying in my head. He thinks I'm calling the wedding off but I'm not yet. But if I find out he talks to another female period I will. He says he wants friends. That would have been fine if he wouldn't have started talking to them sexually. Now i dont want him talking to nobody as shitty as I sound. I have ZERO friends LITERALLY. I dont have anyone for my wedding party, but I'm not looking for people to talk to sexually to keep me company. He has a bestfriend he has known for years and he has his dad. I have NOBODY. I miss the old person he used to be. He would come in grab me and hug and kiss me so tight. He would randomly surprise me with stuff sometimes. He would call me beautiful and tell me how nice I looked. And was always appreciative of the little stupid things I brought home to him. We would go on mini dates, like to dinner and just walk around stores. I miss that person. But I guess people change. I hope tonight goes smooth so we can have a good weekend and I pray that I can loosen up and not be so hurt all weekend and let all my emotions get to me...
Till next time...