August 16, 2020

Dear Diary, 

 Well this is my first page. I wanted somewhere to go so I could tell someone else and nobody know who I am. Maybe even get replys.  My life is a disaster and I dont know what to do. My fiance has been talking to other women online and PAYING for pictures and videos. I thought I met all his needs. He never told me otherwise. We have been tight on money and he does this. We just bought a house 8 months ago, he is paying on my engagement ring plus we have other bills and in debit with other things. To make it worse all the girls he talk to were really pretty, thin with big boobs. My looks i can't judge myself but I am definitely not thin I am a big girl. And I lost a lot of my boobs when I lost some of my weight. Yes I used to be even bigger. Now he is mad nc I hate my body even more and I refuse to let him see it. Well what did he expect? I only found out bc he fell asleep and i picked up his phone to set his alarms and to put it on the charger. I literally hate myself. Im not doing good enough for him. I randomly start crying everytime I start thinking about it and its so hard to hold it together at work but I do. I wanna work it out and stay with him but its so hard to just forget it. I dont know what to do...