August 04, 2020

 

Dear Diary, help

i really dont know what the hell is wrong with me. i cried my eyes out for almost a year. a. year. i cried averagely like 4h a day. i promised out of new respect for me that i would never go back to that place, that i would never risk it ever again to feel that way. i promised that i will never fall all my life, and if i ever did i would run as far as i can. two months later - everything was fine, course not perfect, but it was quiet fine you know, i started to work at a little cafe. but the Big issue is... i met someone and i really feel like i am falling slowly for him. i work with him and i think i really like him.. we always joke around and make fun of each other. we had good Talks and laugh a fucking lot, he accepts amd respects what i do and he just soo funny you know. idk. i just cant stop thinking about him and i feel sooooo stupid. i know it always happens when you least expect it but i am just so scared to get hurt again but i cant run away from him, i could distance myself but i think i could get weird at work than. ugh. im such a girly. i dream about him, about us, drawing our future like crazy. i had a free day yesternday after working two weeks straight with him and today i got a free day too and i miss him soo. i look at pics, look if he Uploads anything, smiling and laughing by the thought of some stupid shit he did or said. i just so scared that he wont fall, that i get hurt again. bc the other issue is my other coworker is interested in me too but i absolutly gave him so sign, im always with t.. but they are friends and g said to t that he wouldn find it good if t started anything, which he told me ( pretty sadly i guess?!?) and i got really upset after he told me. i feel like im just not allowed to be happy. ever.

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