Dear Diary,
Just started reading Intuitive eating book. It described all of my experience and feelings so far. I didn't appreciate my own body. I felt so disassociated from me. I wasn't me but someone else. Comments from my own family members was perhaps most damaging. I recently uninstalled calorie tracker, stopped weighing food, stopped checking weight. The result was actually surprising. I in fact ate whatever I wanted and felt healthier.
The amount of damage by Advertisements, movies and entertainment industry is no less. They are toxic. I was shamed subtly and not so subtly by people from the place I used to go. When I was 16 or 17, one of them said that my Breasts aren't proper, that they need to be realigned to look perfectly acceptable. One of them even scared me by saying stretch marks and not so perky boobs means I will be constantly be seen a person who is defective. There were nights I used to stay awake thinking about my body. I disliked my body. For whatever reason I stopped visiting that place I regained my sanity. I felt angry towards them. I started realising no one is perfect. Billboards, ads and everyone who has skin in the game lie. Beauty magazines should be banned. They are toxic propoganda meant to brainwash and shame women and men.
I discovered a lot in this one year. I found myself again. I am glad I came across this book. I cried because I finally felt relieved. I am going to continue my journey and be more positive.