I hate checking back in on a conversation to see that the other person has read my message and hasn't replied. I feel like I'm being ignored. Could you just wait until you're ready to reply to me to read it?
The guy that I've been talking to since Monday (June 22nd), who will be referred to as CS, has been doing it and I'm really not a fan of it. I don't know if it's intentional or not. It feels like his energy towards me has changed essentially overnight. I'm scared he's already getting bored of me.
Yesterday CS asked me if I'd like to go to dinner some time. I said "Yeah, I'd like that." His response was "YESSSSSSSS!" But I immediately felt his enthusiasm drop when I mentioned that I don't like Asian or Mexican food.
And he's aware of me being allergic to cats and honestly I feel like he's going to stop talking to me because I'm allergic to cats. I have told him I'm fine with cats, I have allergy medicine and an inhaler.
Things were going well and now it just feels like it's all going to shit.
There's another guy, another C name 🙄, and I guess we'll call him CP. We actually matched and have been talking since Sunday (June 21st).
CP actually has a bit of a past. He's a recovering drug addict. He says he accidentally shot himself in the head while on mushrooms last year and was in the hospital for 10 days.
He says he only does weed and alcohol now, but I don't think he uses either of them heavily. I'm okay with him using those, but if he's dependent on either or both, I'm out. He says he's not.
He told me that music is a very big deal to him. I mean, it is to a lot of people. But personally, I don't get too involved in music, unless I'm depressed.
(I've noticed a correlation between listening to music and depression and I believe depression is a causation for an increase in listening to music. For me. Not for everyone.)
However, I think he was a little personally offended when I told him that I don't really know anything about music. I don't know what songs belong to Pink Floyd, for example. I just never really got into music like that.
I just feel really hopeless. So much for being a hopeful princess, huh?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the right man will come along eventually but whatever. I don't want to just sit around and wait for him to find me.
My dad says not to worry about it, I'll find someone when the time is right, I don't need anybody, but what the fuck does he know?
I bet he did like my mom, but I bet he only stayed because he got her pregnant. If she hadn't gotten pregnant, I highly doubt he would still be with her today.
He doesn't know what it's like to be alone. He's had my mom in his life for almost his entire life. He's 49. They've been married for 30 years in September.
He's always had someone to come home to. He's always had someone there sleeping next to him.
He doesn't know how it feels to want to have something like that so badly. He doesn't know what it's like to want so badly to have someone there by your side through everything because he's always had it.
I just want to feel like I'm worth something to someone. I just want to feel like I'm worth it to someone.
I just want to be loved.
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