Dear Diary, im high. im high for hours, for days, weeks, months now. trying to numb everything, so i dont want to feel any, i just wanna lay there, feel nothing my air getting in and out of my body, and nothing more. i wanna smoke eat and fuck with love, money to have no worries and lots of free time, not mich in work. just enjoing live without emotions and my joint.
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its so overwhelming rn.. thank you.. really. it means a lot to me that you took time to share this. some days are still hell and i just cant the a sence in all of this anymore, like whats there to live for? i got so scared of closure because of him. i cant get my walls down anymore, not even for my best friend anymore. and i feel so guilty for pushing people who mean the world to me away but.. i need to be alone with my thought idk. i thknk im just too broken to ever get back to myself ever again. it like i lost me, im justvthis body walking around and reacting when needed so no one worries.. for the last few days i started to paint again and i literally cam feel life coming back to my body, its like i take time for me, just for me, to refelect, to accept and it feel so fucking good you dont even know, its like my medicine, to calm and repair some broken parts. i feel like remembering who i was before all of it. i guess i could v slowly get a lil inner peace through this, but my loniness gets worst, my heart cant heal. he is all over me, kind of got the control if me as if he would sit in my brain and changed everything. idk i just cant believe that anybody could ever fix what he did to me, and man he did too much, so who could ever love me? who could i k ever trust or love ever again after this hell of pain? i just lost my believe in everything.
I felt this so much... I felt exactly like this when I was going through my last breakup. I used to smoke up so much just to calm my anxiety attacks whenever my ex verbally abused me. I promise it will get better <3 I know pot makes it feel better but it’s a temporary release to numb out the emotions, you can calm yourself down with it. I’m sorry about what you’re going through that it’s so overwhelming and the need to tune it down with a joint. It will be better and you won’t light a joint to turn off your emotions <3 Take care hon.
Sounds like youre using weed to fade out real problems. Its not a solution, it doesnt knowingly prevent you from facing what you need to. I dont know you. But being aware of how you want it only to become numb to things tells me you know enough to get on the path to facing your problems. Finding a good support system could help if you need it. I hope you find happiness without weed. Easier said than done.
i smoke less, i know i need breaks to think peoperly but weed calms me, it numbs kinda everything for a shott amoit of Time. just offline u kno
why don't you try quiting drugs?
"Words are a lens to focus one's mind."
— Ayn Rand
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