June 22, 2020
There's just so much... and yet nothing at all.
I'm still upset with my ex-best friend.
My dad says I need to "quit rushing into relationships." What does he know? He was already married and had two kids by my age, with a third coming in about a year (me, actually).
I feel empty and alone. A slight desire to cry. There's a hole inside me and it looks empty, but it is filled with something. It's filled with a mixture of gases. Lots of loneliness. Some sadness. Some hurt.
C unblocked me and apologized. He said he was scared because no one has ever gotten close to him and he's never really had a girl like him before. I told him what he needs to work on and blocked him myself. He's not worth any more of my time.
I've been sleeping a lot and like a rock. I only really remember waking up once. Despite how heavily I've been sleeping, I'll still wake up feeling very tired. Meh.
My dad and I started watching all of the Marvel movies in chronological order the other day, before C pulled his shit, so I think it was Saturday. I don't know. So far we have watched all of them together up to Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, except Iron Man 3 (my dad watched it without me since I've already seen it 😕) and we had to skip The Incredible Hulk since it wasn't on Disney+.
I've been wanting to watch all the movies in order since around this time last year, but I got distracted by school work and then eventually started working so I lost the time to do it. Since then, I've been waiting to find a boyfriend to watch the movies with, but every relationship I've had failed before watching them.
I'm glad to finally be watching them even if it's with my dad.
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