June 04, 2020

 

Wise One,


It has been a while. I wonder if you are disappointed. When life gets hard, that's probably when I should write to you the most, but I follow the same patterns. Instead of writing and caring for myself, I lose focus and only care for others. I also feel guilty that I have nothing positive to say about the past two weeks.


Of course the finances have been stressful, and I am considering dropping out of school if neither of us get a job soon. Then, there is the health of my in laws. They haven't had access to clean water in a while. We usually deliver extra water jugs to them, they sometimes pick it up themselves. However with all the curfews and travel expenses, we can't do anything. His parents have been asking their family and friends to get some money together with them, so his sister can plan a trip to bring back water for everyone. I hope it works. It will be hard though, as there is so little to spare. Still, it needs to happen soon as people are getting sick and fast.


If that wasn't enough, my neighborhood has been getting so weird. It is hard to feel safe. Just the other day, a shirtless guy was running screaming,"call the cops he's going to shoot me!" It used to be safe here, just families. Now we worry about home invasions and robberies. It's not like we can just move either. 


I keep being reminded that none of these issues are things I can control, and stressing/worrying won't fix it. The only thing you can control is yourself. I'm so sick of it. Of course I know my feelings can't change anything. I know I can't control the situation. But isn't it human to stress, worry, and have feelings? Why does it feel like we are always supposed to "think positive" and "be happy"? After all, don't all these emotions that are considered "negative" serve a purpose? 


I know I should still be working on self care and personal development regardless of what I am feeling. The one thing that is positive is that I passed my finals, and the break starts today. Maybe having one less thing to worry about will make it easier to get back on track.

Loading...
Comments