Dear Diary -
So, it’s the weekend (...Monday to the world but my Sunday, yay work and adulting), but I ended up falling asleep on the couch for a little while. I work the night shift, and my husband is on day shift. I want to sleep with him, but it affects my nights. Getting back on the correct times is really difficult, but sometimes you do whatever it takes to have those little moments with those you love.
Dream Journal: JC and SS were talking in the door way. “Room 2” he said. Naked, my hair in a french braid that one of the other girls did earlier that evening as SS cleaned us up and prepped us for the night, wearing only a collar with a leash attached that was clipped to a wall... Kneeling in line with the other girls, JC walked towards me and took the leash off the wall clip… He led me to upstairs, to the 2nd room on the left. He directed me to kneel in the middle of the room, put a blind fold on me, and tied my hands behind my back. As he forced me to perform fellatio, I could hear SS in the back ground cheering him on, giving him pointers… “make her cry”. I could feel the pain on my mouth and nose and he hit me. I heard some other voice but I wasn’t able to make out what they were saying.....and that’s when I woke up.
A little back story to understand my dreams… In some cases, my dreams get all twisted. Other incidents get mixed in, it’s all just a blur. My dream was a mix of the high school event and one of SS’s house parties. High school, for most people, is either the worst years of their life, or the best years of their life. Mine was a mix… a complicated mix. By my senior year, I was failing classes and almost didn’t graduate. I had a stalker (JC) that wouldn’t leave me alone. I stayed after school for practices, and to watch football most days. One day this mad man cornered me around the locker rooms at gym after school. He used something to hit me in my head. When I woke up, I was in the bathroom area of the men’s locker room, hands restrained behind my back, lost my glasses. He picked me up to my knees and forced me to give him fellatio. I was scared and dazed and hurt. I bit him and hit me, breaking my front teeth. All I could think about was how to get away from him. I remember there was a struggle, a commotion, I didn’t want anyone to see me, I ran away somehow. Thankful that my parents were out of the country at the time, I just told them that I had an accident at practice and needed to fix my teeth and order a new pair of glasses. I determined it never happened, and that no one would know about it. I told myself over and over and over again… I was going to do everything to graduate and get out of there. I had no idea that what I was using to run away was going to be the worst 6 years of my life…