Dear Diary, Never a priority, a sentence that everyone doesn't want to hear or even wish to face . Being a priority means life to some people .it's like a game everyone is trying to be the winner of someone's attention . I myself used to join the game, but never won the trial and later on I realized that not everyone should join such a competition; you can be one of the audience only . I tried to win some people's attention including the closest to my soul and my mind but none of them was interested in letting me win . So, I gave up not just on gaining those people's attention or care, but gave up on gaining anything as if am no longer interested in anyone's attention. I might not fully got rid of the "gaining thing" but I lost interest, not hope. I truly wonder sometimes why we try to gain what we can't have, and people who do care about us their endeavours aren't noticeable. Life isn't fair at all, but lord all I wanted was love, care, a hug, and maybe a small glass of wine to try . I want a hug, I really do . Having a hug to me means attention, and that you are here .. to hug . How arms can change our mood, how can I just fall in love with anyone who gives me a long, tight hug . Hugs make me joyful but sad at the same time .. because I have no one to hug not even my mother, so I hug my pillow every single night; it's not so perfect but it works for now. When my professor hugged me tightly,I felt good to the extent that I wanted to cry out of pleasure because again I never get hugs . She told me how great my work was, and how talented I am , she thanked me endlessly for the joy I brought to her through the work I've done . For a second, I closed my eye unconsciously I simply loved being hugged . I was truly amazed how a person who doesn't know me can make me warmed by such feelings that my own soul could feel . I love hugs, but I never get hugged but I will be looking at the bright side . Not being hugged made me appreciate every single hug I receive, and that's the slight goodness of deprivation.