Dear Diary,
*sigh* hmm
Again, I was at this state of mind, judging how my life appears to me.
I am questioning why would I bother learning, improving skills and utmost, doing anything.
Then comes to the point, questioning my very own existence. Why the hell I have to feel this worthless, uninspired, unguided.
Maybe, my atheist view or skepticism of life influenced my mindset of living.
Again, I felt lost in the midst of a gloomy forest. Unknown to me why I am there in the first place.
Why is it that I have to be in this forest.
So, how should I know what to do in this place?
What's my plan? I'm clueless.
Is it because I was living comfortably that's why I didn't care about having a dream or a purpose?
Nah, I don't think so, I don't think blaming it to my state of life is right. Rather, it's because I strongly choose to just live my life in my own shell.
I stumbled upon a question on Quora. It says
"What is it like to be born into a poor family?" in a post about "Why should I live?."
Would my viewpoint in life be the same as if I was raised as a poor? Well, I don't think so. Challenges in their life made them stronger and learn a lot about living. But mine, I didn't or barely went through those challenges at all.
Today, neither I am sad nor happy.
I have exhausted all the happiness and sexual pleasures from modern stuff.
These things are just plain bullshit, a waste of time, no growth at all, no real shit or happiness
Sometimes, I feel like Life is just all about emotions. But, am I right of this thinking?
*Sigh*
Yeah, I believe that outside of my own cave, I'll find more sources of happiness to be exhausted. To learn to live like others, having ties with others, to exhaust all those happiness within these ties with others.
So is this it? My life's purpose is to find happiness. But it is so simplistic? How should I know if it's reasonable?