April 28, 2020

This is the reason why i dont always share my experiences with my boyfriend to my friends sometimes. One of my friend he's a gay and one time i tried to tell him about my relationship and i know that hes happy for me but i also know that fake smile hes showing. Then i knew that i shouldnt be sharing much because this person is hasnt have any love life recently and is hoping to be loved aswell.

I generally understand by comparing to my own experiences. I relate this to my not having children. I want them, and probably will never have them. My friends have children and I am happy for them, but I find that I cannot be around them (the children) and I always feel like I am imposing on people with children, and I find as a friend gets pregnant, I start to distance myself from them. It's ok to have that hurt, that rejection. It's not even jealousy, it's almost loss, or mourning for what you don't have.