April 27, 2020

 

Dear Diary,

Mother said things to me today, hurting my feelings, hurting my ego, I don't know the difference. I feel nauseated right now, maybe because of the anxiety or the wish to give everything up.
I don't like any of it. My mind is running away from it right now. I'm forgetting what happened. I'm used to it now, forgetting anything that deeply hurt me. To withdraw from emotions. I didn't see the point in them. I feel like leaving everything, give it all up. We are all gonna die someday, what's the point in anything.
I want to go away, in the Himalayas, become a monk. But there is no free will here. Apparently parents are children's responsibility when the children become adults here. I just cried over how lonely we all are. Yet we are bounded by obligations.

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