April 26, 2020
I know the feeling. I've been there. Most are, in different circumstances. Not once but many times I prayed and plead God to just take me, but then he seemed to ignore me because I still wake up every morning, maybe I am not worthy. Then things got worst I cannot bargain with him with kindness anymore, I cursed and in my mind expressed my anger and question his existence while I was silently weeping. Why life is so unfair, why God allows that even very young and innocent people have to be lonely and be miserable, can't God wait for them to be older so they'll know how to take these big problems on their own?
Life continued, I'd live normally with my family, go to school, meet with friends but inside I was lonely. I felt alone and it's not really my thing to share, share, share my problems to others, and even I'd tell someone they would just feel sorry but would not really feel what I felt, that's why maybe I'd rather talk to God so I said my sorry, somehow he was only the one who knew what was going on with me so I had to trust in him.
Well it took 12 years for things to get at least better. I'd just came home from school vacation one day, everything is still old and the same except the one thing I expected was no more. So my agony is lifted, did God answered my prayer at last? He actually did, for few months it went well, but there are God's ways we could not understand. I actually just wanted change, but God has to take it from me entirely. Life must go on, the old problem would not bother me anymore, but life was still difficult, next chapter of my life was still lonely and meaningless but I don't blame God anymore.
It took more years for another life's twist, I have now my own family, well it's not always happy but I still thank God because even though my life was a struggle, he gave me the strength to carry on. I know I have to meet more along the way, whatever they may be I don't want to give up.
Be strong.
Loading...