Dear Diary,
Yeah, it has been 40 years since I got the news. The most heartbreaking phone call I will have ever received. Unexpected news about that one person you felt deep inside your soul was way too important, too strong, he was a fixture in my life, the father of my daughter, out in the world sowing his oats, finding himself...I also knew that any day or night, he could show up at my door....just checking in to see how things are...to spend time with her...his daughter....and hearing the words on the other end of the phone dropped me to my knees....the weight of my body was too much for the weak knees...and I just slowly tumbled to the floor...
that damn Harley Davidson.....that damn bike.....in one afternoon...he rode down a Palmer Rd...in a town, I have never heard of....but would again. Palmer was my last name at the time....and to learn he lost his life on Palmer Rd made me feel some kind of way about that name. I paid good money to have my biological name Coleman changed to Palmer....all my friends knew me as a Palmer. I did not want Coleman on my driver's license....kept it all quiet about having my license...until I changed that name....meaning I just did not flash them for anyone to see...until I turned 18. Yeah, had to be 18 to make name changing decisions. So, now, I have the name and I just heard it again.....my man...the love of my life....loses his life on Palmer Rd only 9 years after Palmer became my name? I thought then maybe God was trying to send me a message....and if he was, I certainly never understood that one.
I was newly pregnant at the time with my son...already living with my son's dad, who I married later that year.....but until this day...April 20, 1980...I was never gonna marry him or anyone else...but Bill...I was simply waiting for Bill to get all that finding himself out of the way....and we were gonna be together with my daughter and live happily ever after. Back then, that was a pretty mature logical decision. I made it on my own though...I never had time to tell him about it. But he knew it. I knew it...he knew it....it was something felt, but no words needed to be said to make it so. And until that day....40 years ago, it was so.
A day has never gone by that I have not thought of him.....looking into the eyes of my daughter.....his granddaughters....and his other daughter....and her three boys...I see him there too....and I know there would have been more....but this family he left behind...stood probably all the years in the shadow of his memory. Even very separately...much different than the way things would have been if he were here....he was meant to be shared....bigger than life kinda guy.....kind-hearted....his good intensions showed in his voice when he spoke...or his actions when he would reach behind his seat on that Harley....to cradle me to be sure I was safe back there...whispering....hold on baby..hold on....and hugging onto his waist....with my arms wrapped around him....pressing my face into his back...and his hair blowing from the wind....falling like a feather across my forehead tickling my stomach...like a roller coaster........reminding me that he was in charge....and I was safe as long as he was.
I loved him with all my heart and soul.....
it was rare
it was real
I saw this picture while in Alabama...that lite up...it was a Harley Davidson...being ridden by a guy with his hair blowing in the wind....the bike was the main subject matter...and the frame was one of those large ones...it would have to be hooked up....but that reminded me of him....through out the passed 40 years...many things remind me of him.....and those little things let me know that he is around still watching over us....making sure we have a home...a loved one on the other side...waiting on us...
and until we meet again...Bill....you will always be the one.
Harley Davidson
His chromes a shining,
His riders smiling and his hair is
blowing in the wind...
Harley.....
Harley.....
Harley Davidson... Harley Davidson...
I can't marry you...you're not the kind' a man that I been looking for...
You're lots of fun and I love you, I can't lie to you.....
I can't lie to you...
Your Chromes a'shining
Your Rider's smiling...
Your Chromes a'shining
YOUR RIDERS SMILING and HIS HAIR IS BLOWING.....blowing....
Harley Davidson.....Harley Davidson....
I'm the kind'a woman who needs to be FIRST with her man...
You're the kind'a man who needs to ride across the land.....
across the land.....
Harley
Harley
Harley Davidson.....Harley Davidson....
You're Chromes a shining your riders smiling and his hair is blowing....
blowing.....
you took him away....
you took him away....
You took him away from me.......
Harley
Harley...
Harley Davidson.....
Harley Davidson.....
So, that is his song...took years to write...
I sent a letter to the Harley Davidson Company in 1980 and asked for their permission to name the Song Harley Davidson.....and they sent me a letter back....I have it in a frame....saying they wish me the best of luck and yes, I have permission.
Sweet....thanks Harley Davidson Company....
April 20th is a day for weed lovers to lite up....
do not remember him being all into that....
but he did love that Harley....
so that song was his....
40 years is not really all that long....goes by quick.
So, enjoy every minute....
write it down...so you remember it right.....
Take chances...once an a while....
do not be afraid.....
everything gonna be alright
BE HAPPY
And be memorable.
Keep your Chrome shined up....too!