Dear Diary,
I am all over the place. I am prescribed stimulants at a very low dose. And it is needed. But it gives me such energy and adrenaline and my mind races and i get all these great ideas that i can’t organize or keep up with them as the thoughts come so quick. I love the motivation and energy and making me happier to do the boring and persist things that need to be done to move on and better my life but my i want my head to slow down. Or do i? Idk anymore. But i haven’t made so much progress in such a long time since i started taking it. And i’m proud of the things i am accomplishing, even if they may be small, it’s more then i’ve done in a long time. So there are very much benefits to it. But I constantly feel the need to take on the world. Which in turn creates anxiety. And i have things for anxiety and they work. But i still feel the need to take on the world, like i’m in some kinda fight and determined to win. I am very much ‘the ends justify the means’ type person. If i let my true self out, idk maybe i’m scared of how powerful and ambitious of a person i really am? Maybe i just need to feel like i have something to fight for all of this is worth it? So are the stimulants helping my true self come out or is it just making me talk a lot of bullshit because my mind can’t stop racing? For now, i will take the benefits of it and try to ‘figure it out’ (i hate that phrase) as i always do. Peace.