I'm feeling upset lately about what I've found out a few days ago.
I'll come out and say it already that I am in college, to give an idea of my age.
Anyhow, I heard from one of my closest friends, who is a bit younger than me, lost her virginity last winter, which makes about over a year now. She didn't tell me until only a few days ago, claiming she was worried about how I would have felt. Probably because I'm like an older sister to her, and that she's dating my brother, but honestly... I don't care that she had sex. I don't even care that it was with my brother, because I trust both of them and they make a cute couple. But the reason I'm upset is just.. that fact that she did it before I did.
I know it's such a stupid thing to be jealous of, but I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend before, and all these pent up feelings and urges are driving me fucking crazy. I'm so close to just looking for someone online to fuck, but I know that's not a good idea. And I don't want my first to be some stranger.
However, these feelings of not having someone is making me really lonely to the point that I want to cry nearly every day. Not that I do, but that is what it 'feels' like. My heart aches, and my stomach feels sick, and all I want is to be happy like everyone else around me is, with their partners that they've had forever, and the way it's so easy for them to get someone to like them because of their large chests and short stature. I'm taller than most of my friends, and I definitely don't have the same size chest as some of them, considering theirs are so unnaturally big for their age, and it pisses me off.
I don't want a gigantic chest, but at least enough to be pronounced better.