January 08, 2020

Dear Diary,

3 months ago when he left I relapsed and even after we got back together and I got clean for 5 days I started using agian and I haven't stopped...when I'm not on uppers I'm sleeping all the time,I get nothing done and all that honestly I'm like a better mom on them...I fucking hate myself I'm miserable and I literally do everything and it's like im.still not good enough...sometimes I would rather die then continue this life....we made love and 2 hours later I went to work and he started watching porn as always it's like step sis or brother whatever porn and then deleted it from google activity but I have a hidden key logger....everyone abandoned me when I got back with him and I only have 1 fucking true friend in this world....I look at pictures of myself even from 4 months ago and I dont even know what it's like to be sober...