October 08, 2019
Monday night, involuntary cried and laughed, headache, nauseous, thinking about walking, thinking about Ryan's party
Tuesday- Anxiety, Brandy instagram
Anger, embarrassment, I'm not a weak broken person, forced empathetic tones, condescending therapy.
Loneliness, end of party, no challenge, missing Brandy
Wednesday - involuntary cry/laugh mild. Imagined calling Brandy and telling her to go fuck herself, laughed smiled.
Every night feel lonely when going to sleep, I don't like sleeping
Hard to get out of bed every morning
Went to al anon meeting on friday
Sunday night drank, scared to hear diagnosis bpd
I have a lot of empathy, but very low compassion. Unhealthy attribution bias.
I feel people mistake my kindness for weakness and I mistake controlling abusive behavior for compassion
Things that keep me going, trying to be someone I can look up to
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