October 08, 2019


Monday night, involuntary cried and laughed, headache, nauseous, thinking about walking, thinking about Ryan's party

Tuesday- Anxiety, Brandy instagram
Anger, embarrassment, I'm not a weak broken person, forced empathetic tones, condescending therapy.
Loneliness, end of party, no challenge, missing Brandy

Wednesday - involuntary cry/laugh mild. Imagined calling Brandy and telling her to go fuck herself, laughed smiled.

Every night feel lonely when going to sleep, I don't like sleeping

Hard to get out of bed every morning

Went to al anon meeting on friday

Sunday night drank, scared to hear diagnosis bpd

I have a lot of empathy, but very low compassion. Unhealthy attribution bias.

I feel people mistake my kindness for weakness and I mistake controlling abusive behavior for compassion 

Things that keep me going, trying to be someone I can look up to