October 06, 2019


Dear Diary, I mentioned before about talking to a guy, wanting to meet up and being less afraid this time, well he suggested a few days that he has off and I've gone in to a panic. It all seems very real now, I'm scared that he'll find me boring, that he'll regret getting back in touch. What if I've built my expectations too high and I get hurt?

 After I broke up with my last ex my sister got really honest with me and said I tend to choose people that like me whether I feel the same or not because I'm afraid no one will want me if I turn away the one person that does. 

I'm trying so hard not to repeat that and be true to my own feelings but it's all new territory, how do I know I'm not doing that again? Part of me wants to take things really slow and casual, meet up and not label things still be in a relationship that's more open. Maybe to guard myself? Maybe to experience more and have fun while I'm young? 

All this is swirling in my head and I don't know what step to take next? 

PS. I'm also worried that even though we've had phone calls and video chats doesn't mean he isn't secretly dangerous, I might make a decision to meet and be putting myself in a bad situation. 

I need advice please